I ran across this article by Gabby Farah the other day and a lot of it really hit home for me. But it’s sort of (definitely) directed towards females. So I decided to write my own version.
I’m single. I have been for over two years now. I used to think things like “well, it’s not by my choice!”. But that thinking is not healthy and I’ve changed my attitude. Here’s why.
The single life is great! Don’t get me wrong, relationships are awesome and I think we were all made to be in them, but what about when you’re single? Is singleness just some dull waiting room in life hoping your number will be called next and that your soulmate is right around the corner? I say no.
Let me tell you my story…
I would often find myself lying in bed depressed and lonely because I didn’t have a special someone to talk to or hang out with. See here’s the thing…I’ve looked forward to marriage since I was 3. I proposed to my first crush as a toddler and have been crushing ever since. I never went through that weird “girls are gross” phase as a boy. So you can imagine my surprise when I’ve just turned 26 and I’m still single. And not even close to a serious relationship. Sure, I’ve dated a few girls through the years and had a couple of serious relationships, but inevitably something always happened. It all came down to this: they were all amazing but they weren’t the right one. So after my last relationship it was back to square one.
I’ve been set up on blind dates, created online profiles, and even once left my number on a cute waitress’s ticket. But these weren’t me. Something wasn’t right. But it wasn’t until recently that I was convicted of a reason it wasn’t working. And that reason was…
I need to be single.
At least for a while. Everyone has flaws, especially me, and I realized that I had been blessed by a chance to get my life to a place where I was ready for an amazing marriage to an amazing woman. This was a chance to laser focus on improving my life like never before. Many people are in amazing relationships and that’s awesome but one of the downsides is you now are caring for someone else (this is not really a bad thing…but you know what I mean). This takes time and energy away from getting your life in order. SO, if you are single, and it’s distracting you from life, take a second to really think about the opportunity you have. Here’s some things to think about:
- Are you out of debt and financially secure?
- Have you identified and dealt with all of your emotional baggage from your past?
- Are you the kind of person you would want to date?
- Do you know who you are, what your purpose is, and where you’re going in life?
- Are you taking care of your body, mind, and soul in ways that build not only you up, but everyone around you as well?
- Do you have any bad habits you need to get rid of (or good habits to start)?
- Is your life consistent and organized, or are you living day-to-day on a roller coaster ride of emotions and stress?
Think about these things and imagine a relationship after these areas are fixed. Imagine how healthy and amazing that relationship would be, especially if the other person was like this too! Imagine what you could accomplish in your marriage, your future family, or even the world!!! Life would undoubtedly be pretty amazing. You may have to get your hands a little messy but I encourage you to do the dirty work of fixing up your life.
So I’m choosing to be single. I owe it to myself, my future wife, my future family, and pretty much everybody to be the best I can be. Let’s face it though, single life can still be pretty hard sometimes. Loneliness will set in at some point and you’ll want to “fall” for the next person that shows you attention. I’ve been there plenty of times, and I’m sure I will again. But next time that happens, be aware of it and stop. Remind yourself of why you’re choosing to be single. Remind yourself of what it’s going to be like when you get your life in order. Remind yourself that there’s always people that love and care for you and that one day, when it’s time, that special person will come along. When you both are ready, it’s going to be amazing.*
*I realize that this isn’t what it’s like for every guy out there but I encourage you to still take a hard look at your life and see if you’re where you want to be. If not, now’s the time to fix it.
Also, read 7 Must Do’s While You’re Single by Dale Partridge and enjoy the single life while you have it!